Today, we bury a great man. A man who loved the finer things. Cocoa butter. A 20 dollar tip, and making people happy. I’m talking about Sunny Lipstein or maybe you knew him by his stage name, Dusty Wangfield. Beloved son, brother, nephew, cousin, step dad, sometime vegetarian but full time dancer. I wanna thank Dusty’s family for their beautiful words. I’ve never read the bible before, pretty cool stuff. I hope that you’ll appreciate hearing from myself and the other dancers who worked with your son, Sunny. Or as we knew him Dusty, Wang-Man, Lance Schlongstrong or in quieter moments, Lord Throbbington of Cockfield.
(Getting choked up)
I’ll never forget that hot July morning when Dusty had his first shift at Logjammers. it was a Tuesday: Fantasy Tuesday! Just like every Tuesday at Logjammers. If you can imagine it, we’ll try it! ... I’m sorry, my boss made me do that.
As is tradition for the newer dancers, Dusty had to dance the lunch shift. and watching him work our older clients... You could tell he had a knack for making people happy.
I see a lot of those customers are here today. There’s Bernice aka B-Nasty. it’s strange to see Bernice during the day but I’m sure I’ll see her tonight. All messed up on purple drank. Nasty Little Thing. Watch yourself, she’s real grabby.
But Sonny didn’t mind, did he? He’d say,”Is that all you got Bernice? Grab two hands full!” Gretchen’s here. Don’t stand up, Gretchen you’ll pop that hip. Don’t let that sweet face fool you, Gretchen’s a freak. Even w/ an oxygen tank.
But Sunny’s favorite customer was Karl. or as we knew him Sweaty Karl. Karl can’t be here because he’s a high school science teacher and well, some secrets gotta stay secrets.
I appreciate y’all giving us the time. From myself and the rest of the Nasty Boyz Dance Troupe, Thank you. I’d like to finish by passing on the comments of the dancers who couldn’t to make it here from Logjammers - Logjammers we’ll give even your filthiest fantasies a touch of class. Now with delicious flatbreads! I’m sorry, that’s the last one!
"Sonny, you were a prince among men. Love,"
- Lieutentant Schwantz
"You were the nastiest, Sonny. Kisses,"
- Kim Dong IL
"May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest. All my love."
- Commodore Fucksworth
"Nobody did the old ladies like you did!"
"You're the stickiest! Mwah!"
- Jean Claude Van Cock